The Day My Lola Passed Away

This was first posted on my FB Wall in 2013, the year my lola died. I do not feel her presence in the house anymore and I no longer see her apparition.

It was 3am on the 31st of March, year 2012. I woke up because I heard a loud voice shouting on my right ear. It called my name. The voice is quite familiar but I couldn't identify it. Then, I said to myself, "I think Lola Juaning will pass away today."

My lola has been sick for weeks and we have already accepted the fact that she is about to reunite with my Lolo Islaw, the only love of her life. She was already so thin and wouldn't take any food nor drink. It really breaks my heart to see her in that condition.

That morning, I went to her room and asked her if there is anything she wants to eat. She said, "Hindi, busog ako." I asked, "Paano ka nabusog." And she answered, "Maraming nagdadala sa akin ng pagkain." I couldn't help but cry because I know something isn't normal anymore. I also noticed that she wouldn't let go of a wooden pole beside her. I said, "Bakit ba ayaw mong bitiwan yan?" She said, "Diyan, maraming mga gamot." I quickly embraced her and whispered, "La, magpahinga ka na. Pagod ka na e." After promising her that I will buy her ice cream, I went out of her room and sobbed outside. Just after a few seconds, my teary-eyed mother rushed to me and said, "Patay na ang lola mo. Hinintay ka lang niya talaga."

After the funeral service picked up her body, we started cleaning her room. We found a calendar where the date March 31, 2013 was encircled. We were all surprised. Is it possible that Lola Juaning predicted her own death? Days passed and she was buried. That night after she was buried, I saw the door of my room slightly moved, the very same way it would move whenever my lola goes to me when she was still living. Seconds after that, I heard her howling voice saying, "Nayyyy !!! Bakitttt !!! Wala Na !!!"

That incident gave me creeps. And yes, it didn't stop there. Until now, I can still feel her presence in the house. I sometimes see her beside the stove in our kitchen, where she usually goes whenever she feels hungry. Whenever I hear my dogs barking at night and I would attempt to go out to check what's bothering them, I would see her walking towards the door, which is her usual practice whenever she suspects there is somebody outside the house. There are also times where I see her sitting in the living room, smiling at me. She was ever lovely.

Honestly, I find myself guilty that she still lingers. A part of me is not yet willing to let her go completely. It's always difficult to release someone you really love but I also have this strong desire for her to be in a better place. I am still working on my emotional healing; though over a year had already passed. We could have shared more wonderful things together if she was given the chance to stay with us a little bit longer. Her death is something so striking and it's something that I won't be able to accept quickly. I am, at least, trying to do that until now.